SMALL ANNOYANCES
Pat Miller
© 2001, Pat Miller/Peaceable Paws, LLC All Rights Reserved
It never fails. I spread the morning paper out on the coffee table to read while I drink my orange juice, and in less than a minute, Gewurztraminer’s lanky 16-year-old frame is sprawled across the Metro section. I gently lift his aging body to the floor. He meows in protest, but respects my wishes and refrains from jumping up again – until the next morning, when we repeat the ritual.
As much as we love our feline friends, I suspect that we all find ourselves occasionally annoyed by some of their quirky little behaviors – not serious enough to make a big fuss over, but annoying all the same. Gewurtz, for example, is an equal opportunity sprawler – he doesn’t limit his attentions to the morning paper. Lay a clean pair of slacks on the bed, turn your back for a minute, and there he is, sprawled on the pants, christening them with the obligatory daily ration of grey cat hairs. Close the lid of the laptop, and there he is, sprawled on top, soaking up that valuable computer heat. He also lists perching skills in his annoyance resume. Place a sheet of notebook paper on the floor, and the next time you look he’ll be perched primly within its perimeters, front paws together and tail tucked neatly around his body so that no cat parts are touching the floor – one of his inviolable rules of cat-perching. Any new box that enters the house is fair perching game, as are books and magazines set on the floor or the table, and any new pieces of furniture.
Jackson, on the other hand, is first and foremost an auditory annoyer. His favorite annoyance tool is a haunting moan, most often uttered in the wee hours of the morning, guaranteed to awaken at least one of us from a sound sleep. His next option is usually a rousing bout of “thunder-paws,” in which he gallops through the house with thudding steps worthy of an elephant. So much for Carl Sandburg’s foggy little cat feet! Also high on Jackson’s annoyance list is the bathroom door trick. Beware to any houseguests who don’t close the door tightly – they may find themselves in an awkward position when one brown tabby cat nudges the door open to stroll in for a leisurely rub against the legs of a captive audience.
As a behavior counselor with 20-plus years experience in an animal shelter, I could go on indefinitely listing small annoyances I’ve heard of that can challenge a cat owner’s life. Plant munching. Kneading with needle-sharp claws on bare skin. Various food fetishes, like the cat who insists on sharing cantaloupe with his owner. Sleeping habits, such as the cat who must nap on your stomach all night. Or worse, on your head. There was Snoopy, the Siamese, who loudly demanded fresh water – and would only drink directly from a running faucet. And the Maine Coon who got in trouble because she was intrigued by the movement of little football players on the television screen – to the point where she would stand up in front of the TV and block the view of her owner – a rabid football fan.
Many cat owners simply indulge their furry felines’ small annoyances. The path of least resistance is often the easiest approach to dealing with cat behaviors. In many cases, however, it’s possible to meet Sheba’s needs as well as your own, thus improving the quality of life for both of you. The cat who comes running from anywhere in the house when he smells eau-de-cantaloupe now gets his own small plate of diced melon in order to keep him from diving into his owner’s bowl. Misty, the Maine Coon, was given her very own TV set, placed in a primo spot where the feline sports fan can indulge her window-perching obsession while she watches the Superbowl, thus making it more desirable than Dad’s Big Screen in the den. We can grow kitty grass to satisfy the chlorophyll addiction of our plant munchers (or invest in silk plants), and a heating pad in Sheba’s bed can often coax her away from our body heat at night. (Caution – it can be a humbling experience to realize that Sheba is sharing our bed for warmth, not just because she loves us…) A pair of nail clippers or a set of Soft Paws™ can blunt those needle-sharp claw tips and prevent kitty-claw rash on your summer tan – and reduce or eliminate inappropriate clawing behavior as a side benefit. A slowly dripping faucet relieved the Siamese’s owner from waterboy duties. (A bucket placed under the faucet can catch the drips and be used to water the kitty grass so you’re not wasting water.)
Bottom line is, those feline foibles that can be grain-of-sand irritants to your relationship with your companion cat are an integral part of her endearing personality. Admit it – doesn’t it make you smile when Misty takes a swipe at the opposing team’s quarterback? Don’t you kind of miss Sheba’s reciprocal warmth and the midnight purr vibrating your stomach, now that she’s sleeping in her own bed? Don’t you feel a little less needed, now that Snoopy is aquatically self-sufficient?
We haven’t found a solution for midnight moaning or thunder-paws, but we have resigned ourselves to laughing at it, then finding interesting ways to occupy the time until we can get back to sleep. And as much as I grumble about Gewurtz wrinkling the editorial page, I know that at age 16, he doesn’t have many years left with us. I have no doubt that when he’s gone, I will miss removing his dear cat person from the middle of the newspaper, and I’ll long for a few grey hairs to brush from my slacks. Meanwhile, I try to remember to treasure every small annoyance, and I promise to take a moment, or several, to hug and hold him each morning before I gently place him on the floor and return to reading the paper.